the long-lost sponsee

Her voice crackles on the phone, "um, I'm just calling to at least check-in and let you know how things are going."  Like, why do I care?  Seriously, do I want what you have?

Can I give you the honest AA translation to that statement above, "hi, um, I'm really pissed off and disturbed right now and even more upset by the second because you, my sponsor aren't picking up the phone. and I'm super upset because I did something really dumb, like trash my program for a guy, or yell at my boss, or my mom, or spend $1,000 on lotto tickets or eat a box of oreos ... or or or 100 forms of self-loathing actions besides drinking that mean (at least to me) I'm acting out my fear and anger toward something or someone on me.

For those of you who aren't in a 12 step program, what that means for normal folks is like, "hey, I had a bad week and I'm feeling sorry for myself.  Rather than talk to anyone about it, I'm going to do like I did when I was 12 to solve this problem."  What did you do when you were 12?  We chances are pretty good if you did what you were 12 to solve a problem when you 40, most people would think you pretty messed up.

Typically, the sponsor is the person between you and your 12 year old self.

I just got a call I don't want to take.  Like I'm the most emotionally stable example of sobriety, not.  Clearly you aren't reading the black parts if you think that.  However, I am trying not to blame my circumstances on anyone.  That's the deal, AA means being responsible for my part of that pain and misery.